The Mormon Miracle Pageant

Back on the road- we left Colorado and stopped in a tiny town called Manti, Utah. It's the home of the annual "Mormon Miracle Pageant" ...and we do love these strange Mormon pageants. With a cast of 500, it was held at 9:30 pm for 2 hours--and filled with Mormon families (they love their children- it seems that most of the couples have at least 4 children...) Since all the Mormons for miles around attend the pageant, we got a spot in the local campground- in the fields. The poor Essex was parked in mud with it’s wheels jacked up to make the coach level. We looked a sight- a 45’ motorhome in the middle of a field of tents and campers.

We had a bit of time to explore the area—lots of tiny Mormon towns with wide streets and nothing to do! Rain was threatening for the pageant, but managed to hold off for the entire performance.

Super Crunchy Portland

We had a wonderful time in Portland—it was an absolutely beautiful city. It was a bit like Boston, but less expensive....lots of interesting neighborhoods, markets, liberal people--no Bush/Cheney bumper stickers out here! It's also a bit of a throw-back to the 60's. They have tons of hippies- young and old ones. It's like Haight Ashbury in the 60's where everyone got the message to congregate in San Francisco. They've just moved north to Portland for the millennium. We couldn’t remember the last time we saw dred locks and tye-dyed t-shirts--for real, not as a fashion statement!! And, they do love their coffee (espressos, lattes,etc). There's a drive-thru espresso stand every few miles (kind of like the drive-thru daiquiris in Louisiana).
We walked through Old Town and Chinatown to visit the Saturday Market (which actually runs every weekend- on Saturday and Sunday. It was filled with vendors selling New Age crystals, tie-dyed shirts, wooden toys and an international food bazaar with the most amazing food. We spent two days and two lunches (the best gyros ever) there.
The neighborhoods were interesting- from the upscale (Newbury Street-esque) Pearl District to the Hawthorne- hippy-dippy- area. The downtown area is connected via a free trolley system- so access to all the shops and restaurants is easy. They have Powell’s bookstore- which covers an entire city block- and was packed with patrons.
We couldn’t visit Oregon without seeing the Cascades and Mt Hood. So we took a day to drive through the mountains, made a stop at horrifying Timberlake Lodge packed with teenage snowboarders.



The stop at the fish hatchery was fascinating. The salmon ladders were active and we were able to see the fish making their way through the ladders. We learned that salmon have a 2 second memory- so now John has officially declared himself “salmon brained”. We talked with a woman who’s sole job is counting fish. She sits in a small room with a keypad counter and counts the individual fish as they enter the ladder. She has to count them by species and also note any damage on their bodies (on a special counter). And we thought selling training was a horrible job!

Rocky Mountain High

From Santa Fe, we headed north to Denver--my old stomping grounds. What a change- the town has been "California-ized". After I left, the city started to become invaded by people escaping the high housing costs of California- and boy, does it show! Everyone is fit and perfectly dressed and there are tons of sidewalk cafes and great restaurants. The city is a "mile high"- so the air is cool and crisp and DRY and the days are almost always sunny. It's a beautiful climate- and the city is quite lovely- but it's still the American West and Denver is the only game in town for MILES... The only way to get to any other city is to get on a plane. (Now, if you like to ski, bike, climb mountains or do any other outdoor activities- you're in heaven. It's only a few hours to the mountains and places like Vail and Aspen - and the city has bike paths everywhere.)

I got to catch-up with my old friend, Pat

John got to spend some time with his brother, Henry.

I also got to see my old house. What a strange experience! The neighborhood was unrecognizable (in fact, it took a while for me to even recognize the place). In 1991, Piney Creek was the only development on Parker Avenue. Now, the entire street is filled with housing and retail developments. We had lunch at my favorite local bar and had a few margaritas.

We had a few engine problems (going over mountain passes, of course)- so we had a few days at the Cummins engine facilities outside Denver. It turned out that our oil pressure problem was due to a mis-calibrated dip-stick. So, they changed out the oil, re-calibrated the dip stick and the first problem was fixed. Then, heading to Grand Junction, Colorado (over the mountains), we had another warning buzzer- which took us to yet another Cummins dealer. We think they got it fixed (they upgraded the software on the engine--it's amazing the things that are measured via software on this engine).

Santa Fe

We spent a few days in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It was a second visit for both of us- and the novelty of the town had worn off. It actually was quite adorable- all the houses and building were adobe- in the Southwestern style (lots of pastels and Georgia O'Keefe paintings). They've managed to make the town a bit of a Southwestern Disney....everything was clean and had a SW theme- and it was VERY expensive. We were paying $15.00 for two margaritas and although the people watch was fairly amusing, it could get expensive to spend much time watching the scene. It was very artsy-fartsy- the entire town was filled with art galleries and exclusive clothing stores. Unfortunately, I wasn’t traveling with much of a shopper- so my shopping time was fairly limited. The entire square was filled with Indians (the American kind) selling their handmade wares on the sidewalk.

We took the city trolley tour and got to see a bit of the city as well as the out-lying residential areas.

The Big Texan Steak Ranch, Amarillo Texas

Somewhere west of OKC, the Wild West starts. As John said, "The women are short and stocky and the men are all beanpole thin with their eyes too close together. And all the men drive pickup trucks and wear tight jeans and cowboy hats". Fortunately, our trek through the Texas part of the journey was short- we drove from Oklahoma City through the Texas Panhandle to Amarillo.

Here, we found another city with only a few highlights. The first one was the "Cadillac Ranch". An eccentric Texas businessman and art patron contracted with some "artists" to create a monument in the middle of his wheat field. They came up with a tribute to the car- saying that what makes America great is the car....So, they buried 10 Cadillacs (the ones with big fins) hood first in the wheat field and let people take spray paint to them. Imagine the Texas landscape- miles and miles of nothingness with wheat fields and barbed wire fences- with 10 up-ended Cadillacs as the only thing on the horizon.

The only thing that could top the Cadillac Ranch was the "Big Texan Steak Ranch". Just a few blocks from our campsite was the site of the Big Texan -a restaurant that advertises for miles and miles via huge billboards "Free 72 oz Steak" (and in small letters, "If eaten in one hour".). And, of course, you also have to eat the salad, shrimp cocktail, baked potato and roll....We couldn't resist taking a peak in the restaurant- and found the list of successful diners-- they all weighed at least 260 pounds- some as much as 360!

OOOOOOklahoma!!!!

On Monday, we headed west to Tulsa, Oklahoma. At Oklahoma City, the "West" officially starts. We weren’t sure how we would react to the west....cowboys, cattle, and that whole Western mentality. We spent a night in Tulsa, Oklahoma. It was actually quite a lovely city. Somehow, I had expected hokie Okie-land- with hicks and cowboys. But, it was quite lovely and more sophisticated than we thought. Although, our trip to Oral Robert University was a trip. Oral Roberts making huge bucks pushing evangelical Christianity through the tellie. He has a university that looks a bit like "the Jetsons meet Jesus". The buildings are all very futuristic- and most of them are gold. Quite bizarre.

From Tulsa, we headed to Oklahoma City. And yes, we were singing "Oklahoma" all the way down the road (it's the State Song!) The only problem is that we only knew a few stanzas- so it was mostly "OOOOOOOOOOklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains and the la-la-la, la-la-la la...." Since we took Route 66 between the cities, we also did a bit of "get your kicks on Route 66..."

It was strange to see a city so defined by a disaster-- the main tourist attraction in town was the site of the Oklahoma City (OKC) Bombing in 1995. The building was razed and they've put up a very moving memorial and museum. We explored the city- visiting Bricktown, their downtown building renovation project, and Stockyard City.

Branson

Branson - This is a place that John and I had always sworn we would NEVER visit- it's a bit like the Grand Old Opry and Dollywood (Dolly Parton's theme park) rolled into one. It's "Family Values" entertainment. But, the Cajuns swear that it's great fun and that the entertainment is great. So, knowing that we would never do this on our own, we decided to keep an open mind and see what the fuss is all about.

We had to make a stop for lunch at the Lamberts Restaurant, famous for their "Throwed Rolls" .

The Cajuns, the Razorbacks and the Yanks – Brenda and John, Huey and Katie, Charlie and Gloria and the two of us….what a strange combination. We checked into a great campsite in the heart of Branson. Branson is a place like no other. It was a bit like the scene in the Wizard of Oz when everything turns to Technicolor. Branson was every bit as strange as Oz. We were in the land of God, Family and Country. The city has grown up from nothing- to a huge development of theaters and shopping complexes- all in the last 15 years. It started with a few hillbilly theater shows- catering to families (no bad language, no alcohol and lots of family values). It's grown to a city filled with every conceivable kind of theater- shows running 3 times a day featuring country western, 60's, family acts. Since we were with the Cajuns, we had to make an attempt to be on our best behavior.

Charlie had managed to get tickets to multiple shows every day. On our first night, we went to a show called "The Bald Knobbers". It started with an M.C. and two "comedians". The two comedians were your amazing...one guy had one of those rubbery faces (the kind of guy who can take his lips and pull it up over his nose...). He was the 'talker'/joke teller (lots of hillbilly jokes). The other guy was called "Droopy Drawers"...didn't say much, but I guess was supposed to be funny in a Marx Brothers kind of way (ala Harpo- no talking, funny clothes and gestures). (Charlie did manage to "get into the act" - literally- ending up on the stage - and upstaging the comedian! In between the comic acts, there were musical acts featuring wholesome blondes singing anything from Celine Dion songs to Tammy Wynette ("Stand by your man"....) and cowboy singers doing country and western songs with a bit of bluegrass thrown in for good measure. The basic format of all the shows was something like this: It starts with a mix of comedy and songs, mostly country focusing on family values (Lots of songs about seeing your children grow up and little romantic couple medleys). Then, they transition to a bit of gospel and onward Christian soldiers songs. At intermission, they stop for an "Infomercial" before letting you head to the restroom. For 5-10 minutes, they hawk their CD's, DVD's of the show, cute hats and mugs and t-shirts and 8x10 glossy photos (which they will autograph during the intermission). They continue with the Jesus/Family values songs/comedy after intermission. And, finally, there's the huge finale where they have all the veterans stand up and have the obligatory clapping....huge American flags on the video monitors and the maudlin songs about being a lonely soldier. These shows are designed to have the audiences going from hand clapping, foot stomping to wiping away their tears to hands over your hearts patriotism. I told John to consider this his PhD work in American culture.

After the Bald Knobbers, we had a morning show of the "Brett Family".... Surprise, surprise- they were Mormons (this entire town is filled with "family acts"- and they all appear to be Mormons...ala the Osmonds). John swears that it's a huge propaganda mission from the Mormons to promote their religion by showing these happy, fulfilled families - all clean cut and talented and talking about their faith and missions.... It was quite an experience watching "Brianna Brett", the 23 year old Brigham Young University student and oldest child of the Brett family showing off her multitude of talents. Freshly scrubbed, blonde haired- this girl could do it all- from singing to dancing (ballet) to classical piano. Her mother, with long blonde hair- almost waist length- wore matching mother/daughter dresses during the acts and also did singing and dancing...as well as reciting her poem, "I am a Veteran".... This poem had the crowd in tears (you could even buy a laminated placemat with the poem on it!!)

The Country Western/Bluegrass/Comedy show was good. Although it followed the standard format, the comedian/singer was quite funny and the musicians were really, really good. They didn't pull on the heartstrings quite as much as the other two shows--although the last number about being a soldier had images showing troops in Iraq and Afghanistan and happy Iraqis waving American flags and the Saadam statue being pulled down. They didn't show the suicide bombers, dead Iraqis, Americans and "coalition soldiers"- or any recent events. It was really pretty disturbing- to see those images being presented- as if questioning the war was un-patriotic. While this has been a very enlightening stop for us--it's also been so disturbing. We truly don't understand our country anymore. The fundamental Christianity and blind patriotism is truly frightening. We feel like an island in a sea of conservatism.

We had one absolutely spectacular show in Branson on Sunday afternoon...It was called "Hank and my Honky Tonk Heroes" - and it was really well done. The guy who created the role of Hank Williams on Broadway has taken his show to Branson and tells the story of Hank Williams and his life via his music. We're not much of a Country Western music fan- but Hank Williams life and music is extraordinary. He only lived to age 29- and wrote over 400 songs (songs like Your Cheatin Heart and my favorite- "son of a gun gonna have great fun on the Bayou”).

We followed our Hank Williams afternoon with a "Cajun fish fry" by our RV's. One thing about these Cajun men- they cook! I was talking to one of the Arkansas women when we were in Mountain View, Arkansas and she looked at her husband and said, "When he's gone, I'm gettin me one of these Cajun men--they cook..."

Camp Charlie and the Arkansas Travelers

After a brief reprieve from the group, it was off with Charlie and Gloria, Huey and Katie, and Brenda and John. We met up with Brenda and John at the Mississippi Welcome Center and caravanned to Charlie’s house in Searcy, Arkansas. Charlie was waiting for our call and by the time we got off the freeway exit, he was there in his car to escort us to Camp Charlie. Charlie and Gloria have a huge piece of property in Searcy- 45 acres. Gloria’s parents and Gloria’s daughter both had houses on the property. Charlie and Gloria had both a house and a “Civic Center" - perfect for Charlie's RV Park and Rally Central.

We got set up in the open field and then headed off for a personal tour of Charlie’s empire. Charlie was in his glory. Charlie is quite a character. He had a rough childhood- picking cotton in the fields, dropped out of high school in the 10th grade, joined the Air Force during the Vietnam War --and then came to Arkansas and started a auto body/paint shop that he has grown into a huge business (multiple locations with a great cash flow). He's turned over the operation of the business to his daughter and a general manager that he considers a son- so he's basically a figurehead- not really tied up in the day to day operations of the business. So, it leaves him with the time to travel and plan these insane pre-rallies. He is one of the most amazing people you'll ever meet- he has a heart of gold- and an overabundance of energy! He continued his private tours for the entire weekend as the rest of the 25 coaches showed up for his “pre-rally”.

He took the Cajuns for dinner on Friday night at the famous Arkansas Cajun restaurant- Who Dat’s. The chef put out quite a feast for us. The highlight of the pre-rally was Saturday night at Charlie’s Civic Center- complete with bluegrass band and barbeque. They had enough food for Saturday and for pot-luck on Sunday.

It was a bit of a challenge since Searcy is smack dab in the middle of White County- a dry county! It's 40 miles to the next county and the "First Chance/Last Chance Liquor Store". We call this place "Dry White Wineless County". Needless to say, we made a liquor run on Saturday to buy 2 cases of wine and beer.
The weekend at Charlie’s over, we headed out, caravan style, to Mountain View. It was quite a site to see about 10 motorhomes headed out of tiny Searcey. Leave it to Charlie, he had a photographer on the main road to document the parade. We arrived that afternoon to a tiny RV park and with the biggest coach, we got the cat-bird spot overlooking the mountains (also the only place in the park where we could fit).
We had an appetizer get-together with the Arkansas Travelers that night. It was an odd mix of people- there was a large contingency of Cajuns - who love to party, drink and dance- balanced by the Arkansas Baptists- who may drink, but only if they have it hidden in oversize, camouflaged thermal cups. They don't dance and don't seem to have a whole lot of fun.... Thank goodness for the Cajuns! (And for our “Charlie’s Auto Body” super-size thermal mugs to hide our wine)

We had 3 days in Mountain View. The guys headed out on Tuesday morning to run around town and get things organized. Brenda and I headed out to explore the town and its’ small antique shops and cute little stores. After dinner that night with the Arkansas Travelers, we all drove up to John Taylor’s Laid Back Pickin. In a huge old barn, we listened to John Taylor’s bluegrass band playin’ and singin’. They even had their dog trained to collect tips!

We took one day from the group and drove to Batesville, Arkansas and visited a museum of funerary stuff. They had old caskets and embalming machines. That night, the entire group headed out to a local catfish restaurant for dinner. After dinner, Charlie had arranged for some local musicians to do some “pickin” and singin’ for us at the campgrounds.

Cruisin' with the Cajuns

Our summer adventure started with a drive to Louisiana and a stay at Brenda and John’s house in Napoleonville before the Cajun Rally. We parked in their son Jeff’s driveway (conveniently next door to John and Brenda). They pulled out all the stops for our visit. We drove down to Cocodre on the bayou to pick up coolers of huge, fresh shrimp. They invited some of their friends over for dinner and we had mudslides and daiquiris and huge platters of shrimp.

The next day, we all headed out to the rally in Patterson. Brenda and I made it in time for the Red Hats Club luncheon at the casino. After lunch, we took our $10 gift certificate and played the “Wheel of Fortune” slots until we spent it all. The rally was great, as always. I made it to Mass on Saturday afternoon. John gave it a good try- we walked out of the coach and low and behold, there were a few of the non-church-going guys drinking a few beers. It didn't take much to convince John that brewskies were more attractive than an hour listening to the local priest.

All of the coaches left on Sunday and we were the only one left in this huge civic center/campground. Since we never get to explore the area when we're at the rallies, we decided to take a drive around the area. We found this great little bar called "Chilly Willy's". The bartenders' name was Hatchet (a woman!) and they had a great swamp pop song on the juke box. It was called "That Butt Thing"....."Don't like fishin, Don't like swimmin, I just like chasing those big butt women....".

We had a few days before we were due at Charlie’s place so we went to a campsite recommended by Brenda. It was brand new and perfect- concrete pads and no trees. We were invited to a cook-out on Memorial Day at Brenda and John’s and got some suggestions for places to see. We spent some time exploring the area between Baton Rouge and New Orleans. We drove through places like Mandeville and Madisonville, on the north shore of Lake Ponchartrain, to Abita Spring and Covington. We had lunch in Madisonville at Friends Restaurant.

We visited Ponchatula and then had dinner with Brenda and John and Audrey and Bobby. Audrey has her art exhibited at a local Baton Rouge French café, so we had an interesting evening with a real local artist.