Braving the cold in South Australia

Entries from Jean – In White My comments in Italics:
When we first decided to have this holiday, the original plan was that we would stay with our Australian friends Keith and Kaye for about 10 days during which time we would have a trip up the Murray River on a houseboat after which John, Debs, Gordon and I would move on. Unfortunately though, Kaye got the idea that we were to spend the whole 3 weeks or so with them and not wishing to upset her, I more or less went along with the idea thinking it would all straighten itself out when we decided to go to Alice Springs and Uluru (the politically correct name for Ayre’s Rock). I knew Kaye hated the sun and the hot weather and to her, going up to the searing temperatures of Alice Springs and Uluru would have been murder. Kaye however, not only decided to accompany us to the desert but also had planned several other things that she wouldn’t tell us about. For some reason, she wanted to keep everything a secret until we got there – presumably to give us a nice surprise. Anyway, on our first evening there as we were all gathered in her lounge, I asked her if we could now be brought in on the secret.

The first thing she told us was that we would be going down to the South coast to stay in a holiday villa for a couple of days. OK so far. Then we’d have a night at the pony and trap racing (er???) followed by the boat trip and then we’d head up to Alice Springs. She hadn’t been able to find any cheap accommodation in Yulara which is the resort for Uluru, and we would be staying in a hotel at 360 Australian dollars each (what???!!) but this would be offset by the fact that we would be staying on a camp site in Alice Springs (OH no). Oh and if all that wasn’t enough, we would be stopping on the way back to spend 2 nights on a cattle ranch!! Now anybody who knows me would be well aware that this is NOT the kind of thing that would appeal – I mean, what do you do all day?? Shear sheep?? I could tell that none of the others seemed enamored about it either and when Kaye was out of ear-shot, they all said so. It was all arranged though, in fact, Kaye then produced a spreadsheet with every day penciled in – not only showing where we would be and where we would be sleeping but also what we would be doing and what, where and when we would be eating!! On the boat for example, she had entries saying “Playing cards and listening to records” as our entertainment for the evening! (But what about drinking wine and talking shit??) Suffice to say then that at this stage there were signs that things might not turn out as we’d planned.

John and I headed to bed that night, not sure exactly what we had signed up for. Jean had tried to warn us that her communication with Kaye had not been going very well, but we were sure it could be sorted out when we all got together. After meeting Kaye and getting some sense of her personality, we fell into bed saying “SURRENDER”.

Anyway, Friday February 3rd and we were off to the Villa di Sole in Victor Harbour on the south coast of Australia in their high summer. It was FREEZING!! Local newspapers had reports of the worst weather anyone could remember and photos of ladies posing in their gardens surrounded by giant hailstones. Never had they experienced anything like it! As for me, I was by now full of cold and coughing like a heavy smoker. The villa was lovely, very modern and well furnished. Gordon and I had a Jacuzzi bath but what we didn’t have was any warm clothing which we needed as we went out to see the town in the hammering wind and near freezing temperatures. We managed to find a nice café selling fish and chips so we had lunch there and joy of joys, this was just like England when you thought about it. We spent the evening talking and shivering and weren’t too sorry when we had to leave next morning.

We actually had quite an enjoyable evening- talking about the differences in slang between the Brits, Aussies and Americans—ahhh the richness of the English language.

A few examples:
v Back of Bourke/Back of Beyond- someplace remote and inaccessible, the Outback
v The Black Stump- the official signpost at the beginning of the Outback. (Anyone who “lives beyond the black stump” is regarded as stark raving mad)
v Chuck a U-ey- make a U-turn
v Draining the Dragon/ Pointing Percival at the porcelain/ Shake hands with the wife’s best friend –to take a leak
v Drongo- stupid person
v Footy – football (in the U.S. – soccer)
v Good on ya! – Good for you!
v Poofter – homosexual
v Shout for Ruth/ pavement pizza/ Calling for God on the great white telephone – vomiting v Stubby – short bottle of beer
v Stunned mullet – ugly and stupid
v Tinnie – same as a stubby
v Slab – a case of tinnies (24)

The next morning, we had a huge Aussie breakfast – eggs, Aussie Bacon -which is absolutely the best- (Bryson describes it as having “a rough, meaty, fair dinkum heartiness. It looks as if it was taken off the pig while it was trying to escape.”) and fried tomatoes (another of those British things that the Aussies have picked up on.)

After breakfast, we headed back to Adelaide, the weather still being very cold. Kaye wanted to show Debs where Benny, her son, worked (he’s a butcher in a big old fashioned fruit and veg market in Adelaide) and also to pick up some meat for the boat trip so that was where we headed first. I managed to find a stall selling genuine Ugg boots for $75 so couldn’t resist not only buying them but wearing them there and then. At least my feet were warm. Gordon and Keith were trying to educate John into the mysteries of the noble game of cricket so that night, we again broke away from the contract and ate at home so the ‘boys’ could watch TV.

Saturday was spent stocking up with food for the boat. Again Kaye had this organised, had made huge lists of meals we were to eat and food needed for the meals and for some reason she had invited Meagan her daughter to accompany us to the supermarket. So Kaye and Meagan wandered round with the trolley while Debs and I trailed behind like two schoolgirls. We bought enough to feed a small third world country for a week.

The scene in the grocery store was actually quite amusing. Jean and I looking at each other in absolute disbelief that all of this food was necessary. We’d stop by the candy aisle where a long discussion would ensue between Kaye and Meagan (neither one of whom should be eating ANY candy) over which kind and how many chocolate bars they should bring. Jean and I would be standing behind them saying- “None for us !!!” At one point, Jean looked at me and said, “Oh Debs, how different it would be if we were planning the menu….we’d buy steak, salad and bread- and LOTS of wine and be happy”.

The guys meanwhile had gone to a topless bar called Hooters where apparently they’d had a right laugh. On the evening, we went off to the pony trot racing which is a very Australian pastime. We ate there, had a few bets and a few wines.

The evening wasn’t quite as bad as Jean reports- we did get the table to try to get spoons to stick to their noses, had a pretty horrifying buffet dinner with some rot-gut wine. We got back to Keith and Kaye’s to an email telling us that we had an offer on our house. We called the realtor and spent some time talking through the offer – it was looking good.

At last the sun came out on Sunday, our 5th day in Australia and we drove in two cars to a lovely little town called Harndorf. As the name suggests, this was populated by Germans or at least folks who had connections with Germany but it was very pretty and very relaxing. We wandered around, had a spot of lunch and a beer and then on the way back, stopped at a transport museum. When we got back, we had Meagan’s famous chimichangas for dinner. As if a huge Mexican meal wasn’t enough, we finished it off with ice cream covered with chocolate and fruit soaked in liqueur. The boys watched a bit more cricket- with John still trying to catch on to the nuances of the game. On the home front, the deal was looking good- we called it the luck of the Brits. The last time we were with them was just before we closed on our house in Boston. Now, we were looking to sign a deal for our Florida house!